Collecting water samples in remote or dangerous places can help identify chemical spills, discover clandestine weapons production, or determine if there has been natural or human-caused biological contamination of waterways. These collections can be expensive or put humans at risk due to the nature of the locale or the detection target. Such sample collection challenges are similar to those faced in oceanography, where accessibility and the physical realities of remoteness, corrosiveness, and pressure, place severe requirements on instrumentation, especially for unattended operations over long periods of time. The Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute (MBARI) has been at the forefront of developments that push forward sample collection and processing capabilities in the ocean. Specifically, the development of the environmental sample processor (ESP), a microbiology laboratory-in-a-can, has allowed extended presence with high frequency sampling. When deployed, the ESP filters water to collect particles, then either preserves those particles, or creates a homogenate for molecular analysis. Originally designed for detecting harmful algae blooms and the toxins they produce, the ESP now has expanded analytical capabilities. A newer version of the ESP is now being tested on an autonomous underwater vehicle, providing never-before-seen mobility and unprecedented access to the top 300 m of the ocean.